


Dirk ==> Talk to someone

by PennamePersona



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dysphoria, Earth C, Gen, Post-Canon, Post-Sburb, Talking about gender on a roof, Trans Character(s), Trans Dave, Trans Female Character(s) - Background, Trans Rose, Trans Roxy, Trans Strilondes, Trans dirk, trans male character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 14:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14717736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennamePersona/pseuds/PennamePersona
Summary: “My dysphoria is acting up.” You say. “And it sucks. A lot.”“Oh shit,” Dave says. “Thank god.”You turn your head, slowly, to look at him. His face is morphing very quickly from relief to horror.





	Dirk ==> Talk to someone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [50Lizardsinatrenchcoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/50Lizardsinatrenchcoat/gifts).



> Got a prompt for "During or post-game. Dirk was the oldest strider, so he naturally fell into a leadership position. Only Roxy knew he was trans. He thought he had to be strong for everyone. As it turns out, Dave understands way more than he expected. Hurt/comfort ensues." from 50Lizardsinatrenchcoat, so hey thank you for that! I'm so down for any and all prompts y'all might have, fyi

Dirk ==> Talk to someone

 

Nope. Not happening, no thanks, DiStri is all kinds of cool on his own.

 

Dirk ==> Stop lying to yourself

 

Fuck off.

 

Dirk ==> Would you just tell someone that you’re not doing okay, you massive prick??

 

How about “Dirk ==> Make a new auto-responder to tell your old auto-responder to fuck off so that you don’t have to manually do it yourself?” How does that sound?

 

Dirk ==> Understand that it’s mutually uncomfortable for Hal to care about you in an obvious fashion and do something about the fact that he feels obligated to do so

 

Fuck off.

 

Dirk ==> Be a pissy baby on the roof by yourself, then

 

Maybe you will.

 

* * *

  
  


Your name is DIRK STRIDER. You are AN ACTUAL GOD as well as ONE OF THE LEADERS OF EARTH C. You like to WORK HARD AND IGNORE YOUR FEELINGS OF DISCOMFORT AND WRONGNESS also known as DYSPHORIA and PROBABLY A LOT OF UNTREATED MENTAL ISSUES. You are ON THE ROOF OF SOMEONE’S HOUSE. You DON’T KNOW WHOSE. You are REALLY FUCKING TIRED.

 

What will you do?

 

Dirk ==> Hear footsteps near you and freak the fuck out.

 

You HEAR FOOTSTEPS NEAR YOU AND FREAK THE FUCK OUT.

On you, this looks more like BARELY FLINCHING. Most people would not notice this happening, much less understand what it means, but as it happens, the footsteps were caused by DAVE STRIDER.

 

Dirk ==> Hold a conversation like you’re not a mess.

 

You aren’t sure that’s possible, but you can try.

 

* * *

  
  


“Dude.” Dave says, flatly, and you sigh.

 

“‘Sup?” You ask, and he mirrors your sigh.

 

“Hal called me,” He says, sitting down next to you. “Said you were on the roof of my house, which sounded like not a real thing, but lo and behold, it is a real thing.”

 

“Sorry about that.” You say. “I didn’t know whose roof it was when I landed.”

 

“That’s actually worse,” He says, eyebrows steadily climbing. “What’s up with you, man?”

 

“Oh, y’know,” You say. “Shit.”

 

“Fuck off with that,” He says. “I know that we Striders were, like, programmed not to admit weaknesses, but that’s worked well approximately never. Fess up, dude.”

 

You pause for what feels like a long moment, but due to having been active every moment of your life before entering the game between your physical self and dream self, your sense of time is kind of really fucking screwed, so it might be a shorter time to Dave.

 

You think briefly about how Hal’s probably right, which is an easier thought now than it used to be, by about an ocean of long miles. You think about how much better Dave’s been doing, and how he’s almost certainly right.

 

You think about Roxy, before the game started, understanding you as close to completely as you thought possible, even though both of you still had so many issues communicating.

 

You think about Roxy, after her dreamself woke up, and how thrilled she was. You think about how she assumed it was the same for you. You think about how you never corrected her.

 

You think about the logic you’ve applied to ectobiology, and the things you’ve noticed about Dave and Rose. You think about how, if nothing else, Dave isn’t a dick in the way that would cause him to be judgemental about this. You think about how Hal told Dave that you were up here, and how Dave’s appearance on this roof means that both of them care about you without the reservations you’ve assumed were inherent to that statement.

 

You think, again, about how fucking tired you are.

 

“My dysphoria is acting up.” You say. “And it sucks. A lot.”

 

“Oh shit,” Dave says. “Thank god.”

 

You turn your head, slowly, to look at him. His face is morphing very quickly from relief to horror.

 

“Oh man, I didn’t mean it like that,” He says, and you settle in a bit because you know how Dave talks - long and detailing every tangent. “I’m so sorry, I’m not happy you’re dysphoric, that shit sucks, I’m still dealing with it and it’s so lame, well not lame, exactly, lame implies all sorts of shit like it being only minorly an inconvenience and we as Striders have been lying about shit sucking for so long because, y’know, we’re so bad at stuff and I’ve been getting better at it because Karkat keeps smacking me over the head with emotional honesty, which is sort of ironic because Karkat, also the word ironic totally sucks now, at least for me, I’m guessing for you but I don’t know, I actually don’t a lot about you? I know we talk sometimes, but I didn’t even know you’re trans, which is so fuckin’ wild and I kind of feel shitty about it because I’m trans, too, and Rose is but she got the good deal, well, not the good deal, but on Earth A it would’ve sucked so fuckin’ bad for her because trans women, but she was in middle of nowhere and hadn’t done puberty yet which I’m guessing helped us both a lot, but Rose got it easier because her dream self was somehow a cis girl body, but mine wasn’t a cis guy body which is so weird and I’m not happy about that but okay, whatever, and then I kind of dealt with it on the meteor with Karkat and also Rose because she understood but only kind of and I never actually went through puberty which is weird, but anyway long story short, except probably not short but about the same length, it’s a goddamn relief that you’re trans and dysphoric instead of some shit I have no idea how to deal with.”

 

“Did you breathe during that at all?” You ask.

 

“No,” Dave says. “God tier powers.”

 

“Ah,” You say, unsurprised. “I didn’t know for sure that you’re trans, either. Or Rose. Roxy is, but she got that same thing you said Rose did, with the dreamself being what she wanted. And I...didn’t. I thought that maybe it was because I woke up on Derse so early.”

 

“Well, I wasn’t never asleep, so I’m thinkin’ it’s maybe not that,” Dave says. “I don’t know what it is for sure, but Rose has some suspicions that it’s internalized masochism and how I never let myself want shit, before.”

 

“Huh,” You say. “Never thought of that.”

 

Dave shrugs. 

 

“Doesn’t really matter what it is,” He says. “Fixing it is gonna be the same either way, and until that happens, we still have to figure out dysphoria and all that awful shit.”

 

“True enough,” You say. “Who all knows you’re trans?”

 

“Just about everyone,” Dave says. “Karkat for sure, Rose, obviously, Kanaya and TZ and Vriska learned on the meteor, I told John and Jade a bit into getting here, I don’t know if Roxy and Jane and Jake know, but I’m guessing not. I told the people who were important, and even then mostly because I was looking for help to get rid of how awful dysphoria is.”

 

“How…” You hesitate. “How did you tell your friends?”

 

“Aw man,” Dave says. “Lots of fake confidence and knowing that Rose and Karkat would back me up.”

 

“Only you and Roxy know about me,” You say. “I never even told Jake.”

 

“Damn,” He says. “No wonder you’ve got it so bad. People knowing helps more than you’d guess, let’s you talk about it.”

 

“...does it really?” You ask, hating your hesitation and need for reassurance, and beginning to dislike that hatred.

 

“Yep.” Dave says. “It’s never great, and it doesn’t fix it, but getting it out there helps. Especially since Bro never talked about it. He was ready to treat me like a guy, but I never really got validated, I guess.”

 

“Oh,” You say. “My bro never said anything in his logs, either. I never thought that he could’ve understood.”

 

“Guess he could’ve.” Dave says. “Man, I wish I had better news for you. The second I figure out how to transition when you’re actually a god, I’ll hit you the fuck up.”

 

“Much appreciated.” You say. “Like, a lot.”

 

“Yeah,” Dave says, and then quiets.

 

You sit for a while like that, quietly. Just appreciating someone understanding all this weight on your chest (ha), in ways that no one else ever quite did, apparently. It makes all of the things that run through your brain every second of your life, all that hells of stress, feel…

 

Almost okay, even if only for now.

 

* * *

 

Dirk ==> Validate yourself

 

…you actually start to.

 

* * *

 

Dirk ==> Thank Hal

 

Oh, fuck off.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'know that stupid long Dave ramble? Yeah, I hate that formatting but I don't know how to make it easier to read. It was originally 384 words and then I trimmed it to like 297 which is like. Fuck, still too long but damn is writing Dave rambling so fuckin' satisfying.
> 
> Anyway, thanks again @50Lizardsinatrenchcoat for the prompt, I'm so down for more from anyone, you can hmu on [my tumblr](http://www.pennamepersona.tumblr.com)


End file.
